Leggings: NOT Pants

"LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS!" is my battlecry.

Most days, though, it feels like a losing battle.

Yet, there is a part of me that cannot dismiss this unfortunate phenomenon as part of the ever-growing "KIDS! GET OFF MY LAWN!" curmudgeonly impulses that have accompanied my senior year of college. Am I so out of touch that I can no longer recognize pants when I see them? Are today's youth changing the very definition of the word "pants"? The acceptance of leggings as pants is akin to the bastardization of the English language through netspeak. I've heard that language carries an inclination toward simplication, but I am morally opposed to leggings as pants in the same way that I am against the improper usage of "you're" versus "your". I believe in personal freedom; however it should be noted that each person's individual rights should not infringe upon those of others. Therefore, while everyone should be able to dress themselves as they see fit, eventually you must take into account that some fashion choices infringe upon the rights of those who must look upon you.

Let me clarify. I do not hate those who wear leggings as pants. I only hate what they do. This is especially true if I have just woken up, and I am sitting in a morning class surrounded by leggings-as-pants-wearing girls. Honestly, you might as well just not wear pants. I am not anti-pantslessness; I want to stress the difference between not wearing pants and wearing leggings as pants, since both states of being involve the world being able to see every curve and dimple of your derriere. You see, leggings as pants is the equivalent of a pretentious film: they are trying to be pants, but they fall short of one of the basic uses of pants, which is basic coverage of the hindquarters. A pretentious film attempts to be profound, but does not accomplish what it sets out to do. Pantslessness, on the other hand, makes no pretenses to be more than what it is. There is no illusion of trying-to-be-pants.

Nomi, one of my fellow Rants and Raven co-authors, has a theory that wearing leggings as pants could be linked to increasing likelihood of yeast infections, due to the increased probability that non-air-circulating fabric will be worn more often than those who wear them under skirts and dresses. However, at press time, we have as of yet been unable to verify or refute the theory. I suspect that the culprits of the leggings-as-pants crime would not respond favorably to questions about their yeast-infection status.

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