Saturday, April 18, 2009

Fuck Twitter

Twitter --WTF? How has it come to the world that we can now only express ourselves in 140 characters or less. Do I care that you woke up this morning and brushed your teeth? Do I care that you ate a sandwich? NO. And not only that, I don't want to see AOL Instant Message-style abbreviations like "2B" and "do u lyk this" written by people who ostensibly received at least a third-grade education. And the word "tweet" as a verb used in conjunction with the disgusting, deplorable Twitter world is a cantankerously God-awful bastardization of the glorious English language. Noah Webster is TURNING IN HIS GRAVE. Also, "tweeple." Grown men and women referring to themselves as TWEEPLE? Are we BIRDS? Nay, we are but men! Rock! Facebook has tried to take Twitter's shining beacon of an example in the social media world by revamping its format so it now looks like Steve Jobs copulated with a poop nugget and exploded onto my computer screen. Unacceptable. Newer isn't always better. Trends pass. If Facebook wants to last, it shouldn't join in with the the Tweet horrors of the Shredded Tweet generation. If Facebook is trying to compete with a primary force why would they try and be just like them? To be fair, there are a few heroes of Twitter, specifically Shaquille O'Neal. HOWEVER, why don't they just start a BLOG and write FULL SENTENCES AND PARAGRAPHS? I guess that would be TOO HARD. A sad commentary on our society that our attention spans are comparable to a three-year-old on acid. (And three-year-olds should not be on acid.) And senators Tweeting from Congress? How about...wait...gasp...doing your job and not fucking around on the internet on the worst website known to mankind? I guess that would be also too hard to ask. It's just so revolutionary not to waste time and for public servants to do their job. Not even Obama can effect that kind of change.


  1. this post was brought to you collaboratively.

  2. A 3-year-old Sarah on acid would've been a more chipper Sarah. Love, Sarah (obviously)
    [Am quite appreciative, also, of this entry's incontestable literary quality].